How does a crazy person travel through the woods?
They take the psychopath

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? 
Because he was always spotted

I went to the bank the other day & asked the banker teller to check my balance, so she pushed me!

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
cause he had a great fall

What did the blanket say when it fell of the bed? 
Oh sheet!

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 
A: It's okay. He woke up

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? 
Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.
"My father grows beans," said one girl.
"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.
A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.