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just 2  funny

What do driving and dating have in common?
 Both end up with you being chased by the police if you go too fast.

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Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. 1st jumps and says, "Beer!" & the pool is full of beer. The 2nd jumps, says, "Money!" & the pool is full of money.
The last one starts to jump but slips, falls & yells, "SHIIIIIIT!!!"

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I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she's been googling my name last night on her computer. I saw it clearly through my binoculars.
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Important note from a car manual: 
Backing rapidly at a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.

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I thought I’d tell you a good time travel joke – but you didn't like it.
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"So what are you doing today?"
"Nothing."
"What the heck, you were doing nothing the whole day yesterday!"
"That's right, and I'm not finished yet."

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The inventor of AutoCorrect is a stupid mass hole. He can fake right off.
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What are mixed feelings?
Watching your mother-in-law backing up towards the edge of a cliff in your new BMW.

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On a first date......
Him: “I work with animals every day!”
Her: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”
Him: “I’m a butcher.”

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Her: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go… 
Him: Just call in sick then.

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A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly!"
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Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both, you go to yours & I'll go to mine.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
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A woman goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can remember the exact words of the curse?" The woman replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
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Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?"
Husband: "How can I? I don't know her."
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A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!"
The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"
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Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring." 
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."
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What does a condom & a coffin have in common?
They both hold stiffs but 1 is coming & 1 is going
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What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob
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What's the diff between a hooker & drug dealer?
​A hooker can wash her crack & resell it
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What does the sign on a closed brothel say?
​Beat it! We're closed.
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What is the diff between a tire & 365 used condoms?
​1 is a Goodyear, the other is a GREAT year
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"Papa, what is the person called who brings you in contact with the spirit world?”
“A bartender, my boy.”
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Don’t you agree that ‘time’ is the greatest healer?
He maybe, but he’s certainly no beauty specialist.
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Two kids talking:
“I painted something for last year’s academy.”
“Was it hung?”
“Yes, near the entrance where everybody could see it.”
“Congratulations! What was it?”
“A board saying, ‘Keep To The Left’.”
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Waiter: “Yes, sir, we are very up to date. Everything here is cooked by electricity.”
Diner: “I wonder if you would mind giving this steak another shock?”
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Teacher: “Tell me something about oysters, Johnny.”
Johnny: “They are very lazy. They are always found in beds.”
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  • Home
  • Story Time
  • Crochet Stuff
    • Baby Afghans >
      • Circles of Hearts Checkerboard Baby Afghan
    • Baby Booties >
      • Cats 10 minute booties
    • Afghans, Throws & Lapgagns >
      • Soft Catherine Wheel Throw
    • Hats & Beanies
    • Scarves
    • Dolies
    • Stuffed Animals & Charaters >
      • Jack Skellington Puppets
    • Dishrags & Washcloths
    • Miscellaneous >
      • 1 Bad Apple
      • Maddy's Heart
      • Tina's cozy
    • Afghan Size Chart
  • Things That Caught My Eye
    • Memes I've Made
  • Jokes A Million
  • Recipes i love
  • Mental Health Worksheets
  • Music Sites
  • Free Websites I Use
  • Contact Me......