Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Having sex is like playing bridge, if you don’t have a good partner........you better have a good hand.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them

If you can't dazzle em w/ brilliance, baffle em w/ bullshit

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back

IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

You can't taste me, until you undress me. -Banana
You can't eat me unless you lick me. -Ice-cream
You can't play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon
You can't eat me unless you spread me. -Butter

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.